Tuesday, January 24, 2006

It’s cold - just how cold I’ll tell you

Borrowing an idea from Anne over at Tuckova - taking an unchangeable fact that makes you miserable (cleaning house, the arctic weather) and turning it over and around into as many different storylets as you can think of while experiencing that miserable fact, so that you wind up almost relishing the experience because you want to figure out what you would say about it - today I thought of all the ways I could describe how cold it is outside.

It is so cold that...
1. The sound of bees buzzing in a Winnie the Pooh video made me nearly weep with nostalgia for the summer, green grass, even pollen. We watched the scene three times until Caroline very politely said, “Next?“
2. A Southern accent seems out of place. Each of C’s principal animals have their own voices. Bigby the bear speaks with an island accent, Charles the lamb stutters, Silver the cat meows through her requests for more milk, and so forth. But today Bigby lost his voice. I tried, but a South Carolina accent just didn’t sound right coming from the North Pole where he is currently camped. So he has the flu and is whispering his bearish thoughts.
3. The inside of my nose froze as I walked home from the foreign police this morning. When I got onto the tram for the last leg of the journey, the sudden thaw steamed my glasses up for the rest of the trip. Luckily I didn't need to see because I was a bit preoccupied by the tips of my ears - frozen, not frozen? Still bending so there's hope.
4. When your dog poop radar fails your footing, the result skitters instead of smushes.

Now it’s your turn.

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tuckova said...

There are two reasons it is cold:

1. Remember last week, when it was -11 and you thought it was cold? And then you got up this morning and it said -18, and you thought, boy, that minus 11 is looking pretty good right now. It is nature's way of teaching us about transience, soap bubbles, loving what we have while we have it, etc.

2. In the summer, when the sweat trickles down your back and you can't ride public transportation without feeling that you are mashed in the armpit of a heavyweight wrestler, you can remember the winter and either a) get off the tram and smile into the sunshine or b) buy another pair of long johns and tell yourself "Hey, who needs ears! Frostbite is the new black! Southern accents are overrated!"

3. Yeah, weak, I know. I'm working on it.

Ellen said...

You guys MUST see the advantage of having the contents of your nose freeze - it is that in between phase (between -5 and -10) that is particularly problematic for appearing presentable.

Meanwhile, one way of feeling better about the situation is to either go snow shoeing or cross-country skiing up hill. At least for people in my condition it is the fast track way to soon be hanging out in shirt sleeves wondering what it is about snow that reminds you of the beach. (Of course it could be the coconut oil in my husband's suntan lotion...)